The Power Of Attention

I had a lesson last month in my personal experience about the power of attention.

I had felt, upon returning from my first sojourn to Boston, badly for only one thing. In those moment when my mother had become fixated on some wrong, or some hurtfulness for which I had no answer I had, in a way I had never experienced before, sort of "blanked out". I'd just zone out, and find myself feeling disconnected from the scene, a bit out of focus and feeling less than attentive to the moment, or her needs within it.

When I had been home for about a week, I explored in journey, no t specifically to even ask about this question, and in my journey I was shown how the failure to "pay attention" was a power of its own.

The lack of attention upon something which offers no good or connection to anyone or anything, has more power than any idea in opposition to.

By failing to acknowledge or give attention, the "whatever it is" ceases to exist in the reality of the one giving or withholding attention.

To fail to acknowledge is a powerful tool in the realm of creation.

In our alignment we move naturally to this place, as my experience demonstrates.

For, even though I "felt badly" for leaving mom in these moments in a sort of dead zone (it felt something like watching braindead television) I just sort of failed to be present for the repetition or re-enactment of the whatever historical moment had offered her self condemnation or pain or whatever it was. I didn't play and it wasn't that I intentionally didn't play, it was simply that I could not, for whatever reason, pay attention. I stress this because it was not an intentional act on my part. I did not presume not to want to know or participate, I simply failed to be able to do so.

The revelation later that my failure to do so had in fact been the ultimate act of creation and freedom, was completely unexpected.

I know that there is a part of me which says, without hesitation that this is not possible. That all expectation creates experience and that all experience follows thought and expectation.

But as I move through it myself it continually surprises me.

I have not managed to release all resistance, not by a long shot.

But then, I was raised in the resistance movement, so who can blame me?!

To finally come to understand the power of our individual experience is sometimes more than any of us can comprehend. To be intimately involved in another person's understanding of this as personal relationships cause us to do, especially those relationships which shaped our own primary foundation, is tp encounter all and sum what is ours to inherit or to let go.

There is no middle road in our direct experience. It is what it is.

I didn't have the heart of understanding in that first sojourn. I was worn and wearied by the journey. It wasn't until the second trip was completed that I could see what we had brought into being.

The one powerful gift I had given myself for this process was to allow myself to be as I was and to be at peace with whatever that was as I went through it.

In the end, I found myself pleased, proud and grateful for all it allowed.