Divided We Fall
It's an interesting thing, this being human.
We think of ourselves in so many varied ways. Most often according to our roles and relationships: mother, child, husband, wife, engineer, firefighter...
Our self definitions are, for the most part, not self definitions nearly so much as they are the external labels of others internalized.
But the self is a powerful thing. Each of us has complete dominion within the emotional-mental-physical realm of experience we call "self". No one has the power within us to determine our perspective, let alone our perceptions, expectations, intentions, likes or dislikes or any of the myriad other facets of life which are all internally processed and evaluated.
All of it's an inside job, when we finally come to recognize the operational principles of what makes our lives work, not work, thrive or flounder. Oh, we can blame circumstance, and most often we do, however, circumstance is really only secondary in the greater scheme of things. We know this because we can see multiple people endure similar circumstances and have completely different outcomes. Ghetto kids can grow up to be millionaires and vice versa.
While it is true that for most of us the line is drawn at physical conditions (in terms of unmitigated odds in the realm of circumstance) it's also true that people have been miraculously healed, had "spontaneous recoveries" and a host of other not quite explainable responses to even this most direct circumstance.
So what makes the difference? How is it that one person thrive and another fails to thrive? How could it be possible that in this world of such diverse realities as there exist between different humans there could be one operational principle or system in effect?
It comes down to division or lack of it, really. Division at the level of the individual, or self. Each of us is, to whatever degree, divided within, or not. Most of us are divided at least in some areas, and some of us are divided in the critical area of self perspective or self observation: that is, we do not agree with who we are or what we do, or we feel less than excellent about ourselves as people. We pay more attention to those things we do not like about ourselves than to those we do.
This may seem trivial, or simply a natural response to a culture where rules and ways of behaving are becoming more and more stringently imposed. Where polarity of view point has become rampant and condemnation of whole groups of people commonplace.
In a world so divided it is not surprising that many of the inhabitants of that world are similarly divided.
The price for division within the self, however, is extremely high for the individual engaged in the practice. For when we divide ourselves we literally become engaged in a process which leads to our own defeat.
Our inability to reunite our vision or to see ourselves as whole, correct, acceptable and worthy has the direct consequence of bringing us evidence of our self judgment in every conceivable form.
It isn't hard to understand how we end up this way. In a world which fails to recognize or understand the innate internal guidance of the self, we are bombarded with external judgments virtually from the moment we arrive. We are assumed to be ignorant and in need of outside guidance, training and "a proper upbringing" in order to flourish and thrive as a human being who is properly socially adjusted.
Certainly, having some system of order which everyone can recognize and adapt to is worthwhile. Our human development through various civilizations has shown this to us in many ways. We are not inclined to relish chaos. We like order. We like things to be as we expect them to be. We like to know who is in charge and what the game plan is. We like knowing what we know. We like being right. We like the feeling that we are in control.
But when that control comes at the price of the unified self then we have lost the baby in the bath water. We've become so conditioned to the external sounds and noises and demands that we have lost our own connection to what pleases us, what uplifts us, what gives us energy, inspiration and connection in our own world.
Remembering that this world is creative and interactive with us, with our thoughts, feelings and expectations means stepping back and taking an honest look at how we treat ourselves. When we treat ourselves badly it is as if we have invited the worst possible companion along for a ride with us, only they never leave.
When we divide ourselves by judging, condemning, belittling or ridiculing ourselves, even in our own minds, we have accomplished what none of the rest of the world can accomplish: we have taken complete control of our power as humans and destroyed it. We have made ourselves completely and utterly ineffective and useless, not only to ourselves but to anyone else, in the process.
In our rush to comply with the external rules of this world we live in it is easy to lose sight of our internal barometer. We forget the power to choose. We forget that we have any power to choose anything in the face of all the things we seem to "have" to do to "comply" with the external world.
when we lose sight of our choice to feel whole and good and right with ourselves, we have lost the only real power we have.
Our lives are not shaped by the events or moves of others. They are shaped internally by our expectations, our desires and our willingness to do that which pleases us or that which opposes us. We all know this intrinsically: we admire someone who stands up for their own beliefs in the face of obstacles or ridicule: we have no respect for those who give up their own moral beliefs, or internal guidance for the purposes of another or under any sort of duress. We applaud the freedom fighters and hate those who join the enemy out of economic expedience.
Yet we fail, for the most part, to understand or uphold our own internal order and well being by being willing to divide ourselves over issues of remarkably small importance in the larger scheme of things. We call ourselves names, beat up ourselves for being failures, or worse. Rather than recognizing how powerful our internal opinion of ourselves are and how our internal dialogue or monologue feels to us, we simply accept the self inflicted pain until it becomes normal to us.
Once that happens, we are divided. Our experiences will reflect the division in a vast array of negative interactions, losses, missed opportunities and other misfortunes. All of which will have at their core the mis-creating power of a divided self.
No one can visit horror upon us that we cannot imagine. No one can take from us that which we are not willing to take from ourselves. When we finally understand and recognize that all condemnation, all judgment and all suffering are the result of our internal relationship with the self, we will then, perhaps, have the courage to choose what uplifts us rather than what condemns us. Until we recognize this order of being and how it operates, our lack of understanding prevents us from appreciating the price of our condemnations, criticisms and judgments.
When we begin to appreciate the operational principles of inclusion and of awareness then we bring the benefit not only of our own liberation but of the liberation of all others we interact with.
Until we discover for ourselves the power and importance of healing our own divisions we are powerless to alter our experience. Once we grasp that our own condemnation condemns us, we are on the new road to our own true freedom.
In many ways these last months dealing with my siblings and my mother as we attempt to navigate the landscape of illnesses, personal losses and long held emotional griefs have been nothing if not about this one central theme. To the degree we are divided within, our experiences of our own lives are also divided.
Finding solace and peace and a clean road of emotional healing to walk in this terrain is difficult at best. Learning to find the internal relief and strength to be willing to hold on to that road and not slip back into the old "familiar" habits of self abuse takes time and patience. But it is possible.
The reward for the work is an internal well being and sense of peace that has sustaining power in the face of all difficulties. And, ultimately, a life that begins to relect that internal wholeness and self acceptance in as many joyous and fulfilling ways as can be imagined.
We think of ourselves in so many varied ways. Most often according to our roles and relationships: mother, child, husband, wife, engineer, firefighter...
Our self definitions are, for the most part, not self definitions nearly so much as they are the external labels of others internalized.
But the self is a powerful thing. Each of us has complete dominion within the emotional-mental-physical realm of experience we call "self". No one has the power within us to determine our perspective, let alone our perceptions, expectations, intentions, likes or dislikes or any of the myriad other facets of life which are all internally processed and evaluated.
All of it's an inside job, when we finally come to recognize the operational principles of what makes our lives work, not work, thrive or flounder. Oh, we can blame circumstance, and most often we do, however, circumstance is really only secondary in the greater scheme of things. We know this because we can see multiple people endure similar circumstances and have completely different outcomes. Ghetto kids can grow up to be millionaires and vice versa.
While it is true that for most of us the line is drawn at physical conditions (in terms of unmitigated odds in the realm of circumstance) it's also true that people have been miraculously healed, had "spontaneous recoveries" and a host of other not quite explainable responses to even this most direct circumstance.
So what makes the difference? How is it that one person thrive and another fails to thrive? How could it be possible that in this world of such diverse realities as there exist between different humans there could be one operational principle or system in effect?
It comes down to division or lack of it, really. Division at the level of the individual, or self. Each of us is, to whatever degree, divided within, or not. Most of us are divided at least in some areas, and some of us are divided in the critical area of self perspective or self observation: that is, we do not agree with who we are or what we do, or we feel less than excellent about ourselves as people. We pay more attention to those things we do not like about ourselves than to those we do.
This may seem trivial, or simply a natural response to a culture where rules and ways of behaving are becoming more and more stringently imposed. Where polarity of view point has become rampant and condemnation of whole groups of people commonplace.
In a world so divided it is not surprising that many of the inhabitants of that world are similarly divided.
The price for division within the self, however, is extremely high for the individual engaged in the practice. For when we divide ourselves we literally become engaged in a process which leads to our own defeat.
Our inability to reunite our vision or to see ourselves as whole, correct, acceptable and worthy has the direct consequence of bringing us evidence of our self judgment in every conceivable form.
It isn't hard to understand how we end up this way. In a world which fails to recognize or understand the innate internal guidance of the self, we are bombarded with external judgments virtually from the moment we arrive. We are assumed to be ignorant and in need of outside guidance, training and "a proper upbringing" in order to flourish and thrive as a human being who is properly socially adjusted.
Certainly, having some system of order which everyone can recognize and adapt to is worthwhile. Our human development through various civilizations has shown this to us in many ways. We are not inclined to relish chaos. We like order. We like things to be as we expect them to be. We like to know who is in charge and what the game plan is. We like knowing what we know. We like being right. We like the feeling that we are in control.
But when that control comes at the price of the unified self then we have lost the baby in the bath water. We've become so conditioned to the external sounds and noises and demands that we have lost our own connection to what pleases us, what uplifts us, what gives us energy, inspiration and connection in our own world.
Remembering that this world is creative and interactive with us, with our thoughts, feelings and expectations means stepping back and taking an honest look at how we treat ourselves. When we treat ourselves badly it is as if we have invited the worst possible companion along for a ride with us, only they never leave.
When we divide ourselves by judging, condemning, belittling or ridiculing ourselves, even in our own minds, we have accomplished what none of the rest of the world can accomplish: we have taken complete control of our power as humans and destroyed it. We have made ourselves completely and utterly ineffective and useless, not only to ourselves but to anyone else, in the process.
In our rush to comply with the external rules of this world we live in it is easy to lose sight of our internal barometer. We forget the power to choose. We forget that we have any power to choose anything in the face of all the things we seem to "have" to do to "comply" with the external world.
when we lose sight of our choice to feel whole and good and right with ourselves, we have lost the only real power we have.
Our lives are not shaped by the events or moves of others. They are shaped internally by our expectations, our desires and our willingness to do that which pleases us or that which opposes us. We all know this intrinsically: we admire someone who stands up for their own beliefs in the face of obstacles or ridicule: we have no respect for those who give up their own moral beliefs, or internal guidance for the purposes of another or under any sort of duress. We applaud the freedom fighters and hate those who join the enemy out of economic expedience.
Yet we fail, for the most part, to understand or uphold our own internal order and well being by being willing to divide ourselves over issues of remarkably small importance in the larger scheme of things. We call ourselves names, beat up ourselves for being failures, or worse. Rather than recognizing how powerful our internal opinion of ourselves are and how our internal dialogue or monologue feels to us, we simply accept the self inflicted pain until it becomes normal to us.
Once that happens, we are divided. Our experiences will reflect the division in a vast array of negative interactions, losses, missed opportunities and other misfortunes. All of which will have at their core the mis-creating power of a divided self.
No one can visit horror upon us that we cannot imagine. No one can take from us that which we are not willing to take from ourselves. When we finally understand and recognize that all condemnation, all judgment and all suffering are the result of our internal relationship with the self, we will then, perhaps, have the courage to choose what uplifts us rather than what condemns us. Until we recognize this order of being and how it operates, our lack of understanding prevents us from appreciating the price of our condemnations, criticisms and judgments.
When we begin to appreciate the operational principles of inclusion and of awareness then we bring the benefit not only of our own liberation but of the liberation of all others we interact with.
Until we discover for ourselves the power and importance of healing our own divisions we are powerless to alter our experience. Once we grasp that our own condemnation condemns us, we are on the new road to our own true freedom.
In many ways these last months dealing with my siblings and my mother as we attempt to navigate the landscape of illnesses, personal losses and long held emotional griefs have been nothing if not about this one central theme. To the degree we are divided within, our experiences of our own lives are also divided.
Finding solace and peace and a clean road of emotional healing to walk in this terrain is difficult at best. Learning to find the internal relief and strength to be willing to hold on to that road and not slip back into the old "familiar" habits of self abuse takes time and patience. But it is possible.
The reward for the work is an internal well being and sense of peace that has sustaining power in the face of all difficulties. And, ultimately, a life that begins to relect that internal wholeness and self acceptance in as many joyous and fulfilling ways as can be imagined.
posted by becky burke mundt at 9:14 PM
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