A Single Signal

Leaving again for Boston - boots and coats and winter.

It's Spring here and an hour out in the back this afternoon let me soak it all in.

The warm sun, the brilliant new green of the hills, almond and cherry blossoms in huge puffy sprays against the clear blue sky.

Line it all up and take it all in. Just breathe until I can feel the joy of those new blossoms and that clear sky.

Now it's time to walk the talk. It is time to be the single signal of intent, rather than the erratic signals of cross purposes, emotional upheaval and long standing pain.

I don't know if I can do it. It's supposed to be impossible, after all, to look at something unwanted, which causes emotional response and not feel it. But I think if I can alter the point of view of my gaze, I can do it.

I see the long scrub brush and tree lined road to Kea'au before me. Glistening with freshly fallen rain. I am driving and holding a vision perfectly steadily in my minds eye. At the end of that road there is a service station that can give me the stickers for my car. I have no reason to think I should get them. I haven't got the right papers and my flashers aren't working either...

But I am not worried. I'm just strangely convinced that I can make this all work if I just see it that way without tyrant to figure it out. I fill the entire path between me and my destination with light and just keep it all steady.

Now I will do the same thing in Boston. I will turn my gaze and fill the pathways and roads and places I will visit with light and trust and then I will simply walk through it to the other side.

In Hawaii it worked so well it was over before I even realized what had happened. In less than five minutes my last 2 dollars had replaced a flasher bulb, the attendant had muttered that no one ever had the right paperwork (I certainly didn't) and completed the job without even an inquiry as to what I might think I was doing...

I don't think I fully comprehended what had happened there for a long time afterwards. Sometimes I think I still don't.

But if there is no joy in it, it's not worth doing and since I've chosen to make this trip I will find the joy in it and "milk it for all it's worth" as they say.

I have plenty to be grateful for. Tom and Dan will be with me the first couple of days, and that's just sweet. I know we'll have a lot of fun. And after that it will only be the weekend and then I'll be headed home again.

And best of all, I have this afternoon in the sun on the back hill. I can close my eyes and go there any time I want, and remind myself that I will be there again, in only a week.

I can even hear eagle over head, doing his evening call. Looping down over the slopes and ravines in lazy arcs. Brilliant in the afternoon sunlight. The ripple of the breeze through his wing tips sends shivers up my spine.

So I am well taken care of. And I can remember that, in the face of anything, so long as I remember to be my own best friend. My own best traveling companion, literally, as it turns out this week any how!

Set the single signal of intent and well being without attachment. It feels as if the old ties fall away, and you are left simply expecting something good without worry or judgment. Lo and behold, something good arrives!

Lining up with whatever you have already decided or begun or intended, and choosing not to go back on your own impulse, or intent. It's just a decision to stop dividing your own mind over things you are doing. Once you decide, everything looks different.

The first thing you notice is that you are no longer so invested in the details of the outcome. Oh, you want it to go well, but you are not fearful it won't. Nor do you feel a need to try to control how it happens.

If I can master that over this week, I'll have finally mastered, at least for a little bit, the single signal.

well, I'm sure I'll move around a good bit on the way. But I'll keep pointing in that direction.

til next week then.